Everyone makes bad decisions. And everyone must deal with the consequences of those decisions. Life pretty much takes care of consequences for the most part. For example, missing class to take my license test at the DMV will result in missing classwork and homework for that day, and I will have to make it up.
Instead of lecturing me on the importance of my education and not-so-subtly telling me you disprove of my decision, talk with me about the natural consequences of my decisions.
For example:
"Hey, Em, can we talk about your DMV appointment?"
"Yeah, sure mom."
"I know that you'll be missing class, and I want to discuss that decision. You know that you'll be missing the lesson and classwork, which you will probably need to make up to maintain your good grades."
"Yeah, mom, I know. I will make up the work, and I can talk to my teacher the class before so I can learn what I will be missing."
"Ok, Emily, I'm glad that you know the extent of your decision. AP Language is an important class."
"Yeah, mom, I know, ok."
Talk about consequences of the decision. Another good idea is to make a list of pros and cons.
For Example
Pros
getting my license
not having to retake the permit test
quieter streets to drive during the test (opposed to after school/rush hour)
the ability to make up work
Cons
missing the lesson
missing classwork
having to make up work
To me, the pros outweigh the cons, so I am going to follow through in my decision to miss class.
Obviously natural consequences don't work for everything. There will always be situations that require punishment, which I will address in my next post!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Yes, I have opinions.
And yes, I am a 16 year old girl. Have I lost my credibility?
It is my honest belief that parents disregard their children's ideas, thoughts, and opinions just because "they are the child, and I am the parent". I absolutely loathe it.
Yes, my mom has many more years of life experience than I do, and I'm not saying that parents are a load of bull and teens should parent themselves, but I strongly believe that I'm old enough and mature enough to be part of the decision making conversation.
I view a child-parent relationship like a government. My opinion is that a healthy relationship resembles a democracy, in which the parent is, of course, the highest authority, but the child has a say in decision making. Obviously this model doesn't work for every situation (like nonnegotiable rules and whatnot), but generally this is how I would like my relationship with my mom to work.
I want a say! I want my opinions to be taken into account! And I KNOW I'm not the only teen feeling like this. This is not the beginnings of a rebellion. I'm not trying to become the authority figure. I want compromise. I'm not against boundaries, rules, or curfews, I just want to be considered in the decision making, and I want to be able to discuss compromise.
At this point, my relationship with my mom doesn't look like this, and I desperately want it to. So this is me, discussing the struggles and the victories of creating a democracy in my house.
It is my honest belief that parents disregard their children's ideas, thoughts, and opinions just because "they are the child, and I am the parent". I absolutely loathe it.
Yes, my mom has many more years of life experience than I do, and I'm not saying that parents are a load of bull and teens should parent themselves, but I strongly believe that I'm old enough and mature enough to be part of the decision making conversation.
I view a child-parent relationship like a government. My opinion is that a healthy relationship resembles a democracy, in which the parent is, of course, the highest authority, but the child has a say in decision making. Obviously this model doesn't work for every situation (like nonnegotiable rules and whatnot), but generally this is how I would like my relationship with my mom to work.
I want a say! I want my opinions to be taken into account! And I KNOW I'm not the only teen feeling like this. This is not the beginnings of a rebellion. I'm not trying to become the authority figure. I want compromise. I'm not against boundaries, rules, or curfews, I just want to be considered in the decision making, and I want to be able to discuss compromise.
At this point, my relationship with my mom doesn't look like this, and I desperately want it to. So this is me, discussing the struggles and the victories of creating a democracy in my house.
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